Adults are just outdated children.

Seuss

These days, more young adults are living at home with one of the parents, and this can be eighteen on up to about thirty, what some people now call the “journey years,” when the child is learning about who they are, trying things out, going to university or not going to univeristy, trying a career or not trying a career, and one of the issues is how to deal with a difficult co-parent with a child of this age.

Ideally, you really want to work together to help get the child to become independent. The goal is really moving them into independence, rather than simply taking care of them. So you want to think about this and is there anything you're doing that's encouraging them to not become independent, and not learn skills that will help them in life.

Now by this age, if you have a difficult co-parent, you really want to focus on what you're doing with your own contact with the child because the child is more able to get a sense of your difficult co-parent.

The way to do well with your child is to demonstrate how flexible your thinking is, how you manage your emotions and how well your own life is going.

I have consulted with parents struggling with a young adult and wondering how to keep a good relationship when the other parent may be negatively impacting them. The thing is to really keep the lines of communication open.

Don't get angry at them or be judgmental with them for decisions they make that you disagree with. Instead, you educate them about that and say, “I know you've decided to do something and here's what I think; here's some of my concerns about that.”

You’re educating them, but not trying to control them, because that will backfire – especially if the other co-parent is undermining or disagreeing with you.

So be matter-of-fact and say “This is what I can do and what I can’t do.” If the child wants to live with you, then have some rules; have some expectations.